A new book examining the rise of family estrangement is drawing praise from a licensed therapist who says the phenomenon has become so widespread that it has touched nearly every American household in some form. In a review published by The Daily Wire, Pamela Garfield-Jaeger, LCSW, calls Noelle Mering’s “No Contact” a timely and compassionate look at why so many people have cut ties with relatives โ and what that decision costs them over time.
Garfield-Jaeger, a therapist who works with parents estranged from their trans-identified children, writes that estrangement is not new but that the upheavals of 2020 marked a turning point. Since then, she says, divisive cultural and political climates have severed friendships and family bonds across the country, leaving many people carrying a grief they often try to pretend isn’t there. Mering’s book, she argues, is an antidote to that pain.
A Crisis of Connection
According to the review, “No Contact” blends historical context, cultural analysis, and personal stories to explain how the disruption of important relationships became commonplace. Garfield-Jaeger notes that while the book is not neutral, it manages to humanize everyone involved and offers practical insights alongside its diagnosis. The result, she writes, is a multifaceted perspective that neither demonizes struggling families nor minimizes their pain.
One chapter that stood out to Garfield-Jaeger is titled “Chosen Family,” which examines how people attempt to replace relatives with friends and other communities. Mering points to television shows like “Friends” that idealized the concept, but the reviewer notes that in real life the arrangement often works less smoothly than Hollywood suggests. As people age and family obligations such as raising children or caring for aging parents take precedence, chosen families can fray. It is easier, Mering observes, to find support when you are young, healthy, and attractive โ and harder as those advantages fade.
Garfield-Jaeger says she witnessed that dynamic firsthand as a social worker with San Francisco’s Institute on Aging. Many of the clients she met had left their families to join the sexual and countercultural revolution of the 1960s. While the LGBT community often celebrates chosen families, she writes, the reality could be far grimmer once youth and glamour wore off. Many clients were left alone, without partners or children to care for them. The PACE program, subsidized by Medi-Cal dollars, provided what she describes as subpar care, with social workers like her carrying overflowing caseloads.
Some of those patients, she acknowledges, came from abusive homes where estrangement was warranted. Many others did not. Estrangement, in those cases, was a choice โ and she says they ultimately paid a heavy price for it later in life.
Divorce Culture and the ‘Corrosive Idea’
The review highlights Mering’s argument that divorce culture has created a backdrop for the ease with which people decide to go “no contact.” Garfield-Jaeger quotes Mering: “We can’t sit comfortably within a culture that treats divorce casually and then condemn young people for ‘divorcing’ their families.” The line struck a nerve, she writes, as someone who grew up in a divorced family and is surrounded by people affected by divorce. It made her realize how much she had normalized divorce in her own mind.
Mering is not writing to demonize struggling families, according to the review. Instead, she points out that when marriage is viewed as temporary, children may struggle to trust future partners or remain committed to family during difficult times. “Every rupture, however justified, reinforces the same corrosive idea: You can be replaced,” Mering writes.
That idea connects to another theme in the book: what Mering describes as growing narcissism, fragility, and the occurrence of Cluster B personality disorders within American culture. Garfield-Jaeger explains that personality disorders are enduring patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that can disrupt relationships, emotional regulation, and daily functioning. One hallmark of borderline personality disorder is a fear of abandonment. As more children are born outside of marriage and family structures grow more unstable, the review suggests, building and maintaining lasting relationships may become harder for the next generation. Mering’s interview with psychiatrist Hanna Spier offers additional insight into these dynamics.
Transgender Movement and Family Division
Garfield-Jaeger also credits Mering with handling the transgender movement as a significant source of family division. As a therapist who works with parents cut off by their trans-identified children, she writes that she was impressed by Mering’s explanation of the complexity involved and the ways young people are influenced to distance themselves from loving parents. Mering is not a therapist, Garfield-Jaeger notes, but demonstrates a deep understanding of the complicated dynamics within these families. She says “No Contact” will be added to her list of recommended reading for the families she supports.
What Garfield-Jaeger appreciated most, she writes, was the book’s balance: it offers nuanced explanations for the rise in estrangement while remaining constructive and hopeful. It acknowledges the profound pain of losing relationships with loved ones while simultaneously highlighting resilience, hope, and faith.
“‘No Contact’ serves as a reminder that while there is much about our relationships that we cannot control, there is also a great deal we can do, and it starts with valuing those relationships,” she writes.
Garfield-Jaeger closes with a personal note. She received her review copy just before a family visit and a reunion with British cousins she hadn’t seen in more than a decade. Reading the book, she says, heightened her gratitude for family and motivated her to attend to relationships that had become strained. If the book were on everyone’s reading list, she suggests, perhaps the nation would be a little less divided.
Pamela Garfield-Jaeger, LCSW, is a licensed therapist and the author of “A Practical Response to Gender Distress: Tips and Tools for Family” and “Froggy Girl.” The review appeared as part of Upstream, The Daily Wire’s section for culture and lifestyle coverage.
Source: www.dailywire.com โ https://www.dailywire.com/news/the-ugly-truth-about-treating-your-family-like-its-replaceable