Daily Wire Essay Says AI Matchmakers Won’t Solve Dating Woes: Go Outside Instead

In a recent essay for The Daily Wire, writer Elizabeth Grace Matthew takes aim at the growing trend of AI matchmaking, arguing that outsourcing romance to algorithms will only deepen the isolation and unrealistic expectations already plaguing modern dating. The piece, titled “You Do Not Need An AI Matchmaker. You Need To Go Outside,” contends that the solution to today’s romantic malaise lies not in more sophisticated technology but in more genuine human interaction.

The Problem with Perfect Matches

Matthew acknowledges that dating today is a mess and that young people are coupling up less frequently than in past generations. However, she warns that matchmaking services emphasizing the “perfect one for you” while requiring less socialization represent an exacerbation of these problems, not a solution. The essay points out that until recently, most people met partners in high school, college, or through friends and family — organic settings where romantic prospects were introduced into established social circles.

She cites classic literature like Jane Austen’s novels and Louisa May Alcott’s “Little Women” to illustrate how courtship once unfolded within well-worn social networks, where the “boy next door” was a known quantity. By the mid-20th century, however, a more anomic form of dating had taken over, encouraging one-on-one interactions before integrating a partner into a wider social group. Matthew references psychologist Esther Perel’s observation that this sequencing can hinder truly getting to know someone, as there is no substitute for observing a person in a shared setting.

The Illusion of Endless Choice

Online dating, according to Matthew, takes this atomization to an extreme while adding the illusion of endless choice. While meeting a partner in a bar expanded possibilities beyond one’s immediate neighborhood, many still met in person because they had to. Today, she writes, many people walk through the world without expecting to find love or friendship anywhere other than their phones. This digital-first approach fosters existential isolation and solipsism, raising the bar for a romantic partner to unrealistic heights.

When you only know someone online, Matthew argues, you don’t actually know him — a critique she attributes to Perel. The disembodied nature of initial connections creates fertile soil for fantasy rather than reality. “In reality, no doubt, you will find imperfections,” she writes. “But, of course, that’s because you might have actually found a person.”

A TV Detective’s Lesson

To illustrate her point, Matthew turns to the 2021 HBO series “Mare of Easttown.” She describes Colin Zabel, a calm, 35-year-old never-married detective who lives comfortably with his mother. He falls for Mare Sheehan, a scattered, 43-year-old single mother with a troubled family history. No online dating service or AI matchmaker would pair them, Matthew notes, and they might not be a good match anyway (spoiler: Colin dies before they can find out). But the insight, she says, is that Colin is drawn to Mare precisely because of how largely she lives, even when things go wrong. Like many millennials, Colin has built a life around avoiding the liabilities of truly living, keeping his options open and never moving too fast.

Matthew clarifies that she is not recommending idolizing unwise marriages or reckless decisions. Rather, she believes millennials and Gen Zers have overcorrected for life’s risks by optimizing and outsourcing everything — to the point of outsourcing living itself.

A Call to Re-engage

Instead of relying on an AI matchmaker, Matthew urges singles to dream less and do more. She suggests using phones to say yes to church meet-ups, friends’ birthday parties, running clubs, and community service groups. Text people you haven’t seen in a while to meet for coffee. Ask friends to attend events where single people are likely to be. For those still in college, she echoes the “Princeton mom” advice: find a classmate to marry. Don’t be seduced by the endless choice promised by little pictures on a screen or the alleged certainty of an AI agent that does your discernment for you.

“Try, in short, to re-enchant your own world,” Matthew writes. “Like, by actually looking at the people you see in real life, and engaging the ones you see repeatedly as friends who could become something more.” She concludes that while you won’t meet your soulmate this way, you may come to understand that soulmates are made, not met — a process that requires living in all its perfect imperfection.

The essay is part of Upstream, The Daily Wire’s new section for culture and lifestyle. Elizabeth Grace Matthew writes about books, education, and culture, including on Substack.

Source: www.dailywire.com — https://www.dailywire.com/news/you-do-not-need-an-ai-matchmaker-you-need-to-go-outside