In a new column for The Daily Wire, host Andrew Klavan turned his satirical lens on the news media itself, arguing that the industry’s true product is not information but a carefully cultivated state of perpetual fury. Writing on The Andrew Klavan Show’s platform, Klavan frames mindless outrage as the media’s core competency — and invites readers to measure its success by the state of their own faces.
“If you want to know whether or not the news media is doing its job, here’s a simple test,” Klavan writes. “Look in the mirror.” The piece asks readers whether they see a “twisted mask of outrage” staring back, with veins bulging and children crying in the background. If so, he suggests, the media has done exactly what it set out to do.
A Joke About the News Business
Klavan opens by describing his show’s self-appointed responsibility with tongue firmly in cheek: to drag the nation’s political conversation down to a level of such “mind-deadening stupidity” that it is no longer worth having, freeing Americans to move on to other pursuits he lists with characteristic absurdity.
From there, he lays out what he calls his approach to any issue: find its complexities, rip out the heart of the matter, and toss it away, leaving only “the most simplistic, unworkable, and unrealistic responses.” The result, in his telling, is a public consumed by self-righteous bitterness until, mid-scream about Jeffrey Epstein, a stroke finally ends the misery.
Climate and Greta Thunberg
To illustrate the pattern, Klavan reaches first for climate change. He says his own research consisted of “googling this important issue for almost a quarter of an hour,” after which he concludes — satirically — that everyone will die within five years unless civilization is dragged back to the Jurassic era, when dinosaurs had not yet turned themselves into oil, which he jokingly describes as lizard eco-terrorism.
He then mocks the prominence of climate activist Greta Thunberg, writing that if one cannot trust a “screaming neurotic girl in her twenties” to set limits on the world’s economy, there is no other use for her. The line is part of the broader caricature Klavan is constructing — a media that elevates a single loud voice to the status of global economic arbiter.
A Fictional AI Expert and an Old Trope
The column’s next target is artificial intelligence. Klavan invents a character named Jacob Coxon, a purported AI expert who, he says, worked in the field for “almost four whole months” before declaring that sentient computer programs armed with nuclear weapons would force humans to build bodies for them so they could steal women. In a flourish of absurdity, Klavan writes that Coxon’s career ended when someone pulled off his mask to reveal he was actually Greta Thunberg, who then ran off to support Palestinian terrorists.
The passage is a deliberate mashup of recycled internet tropes rather than a factual account, and it serves as Klavan’s illustration of how commentary on serious technology questions can collapse into cartoonish fear.
Gaza and the Middle East
Turning to Gaza, Klavan argues the Middle East is the one issue most easily reduced to simplistic sloganeering. He writes that understanding the region supposedly requires discounting any opinion from Jews because Jews support Israel — a line framed as a parody of the logic he attributes to anti-Israel activism. He adds that Israel is the only democracy in the region, shares American values, and provides remarkable technology, then mocks the posture of siding with anti-American terrorists anyway.
The section ends with a grim joke about being blown up, followed by a jab at what Klavan describes as America’s imagined “Jew problem.” The tone throughout is caustic satire aimed at critics of Israel rather than a policy argument about the conflict itself.
The University of Texas Football Clip
Klavan closes his survey with a reference to a recent viral moment at the University of Texas, where, he says, a group of Indian students was caught on camera cheering for the school’s football team. He describes them as “the tech genius kind of Indians,” noting they are, in his framing, perfectly nice people who improve the economy — before joking that if they are allowed to stay and root for American teams, wives will soon be wearing leotards and doing downward-facing dog.
The bit lampoons the reflexive suspicion that greets immigrant communities even when the moment in question is as innocuous as cheering at a football game.
The Punchline: Support Your Local Media
Klavan wraps with a mock warning that the country cannot be allowed to descend into “nuanced, carefully considered conversation,” or else, he jokes, actress Sydney Sweeney will be wearing a burkha and Americans will forget why they wanted to gamble on sports in the first place.
His closing appeal is sarcastic: support your local news media, because without them, the mindless outrage dies. The column is less a news report than a comedy sketch in prose, but it lands in the middle of a long-running argument about how political media rewards fury over substance — an argument Klavan is making by performing the very thing he claims to criticize.
Source: www.dailywire.com — https://www.dailywire.com/news/mindless-outrage-is-the-medias-true-calling